Let them free..

It is a challenge for young adults when working away from hometown and needs to take care of family back home. Is it always possible  to sacrifice a lucrative job and shift work location to be near parents?. Can children afford to shift jobs when their career is at stake? Finances are an important aspect to consider when one is still young and capable of earning.

Perhaps a solution to pre-empt such a situation would be for parents to encourage their children to work in the same city or state and not focus on a distant geographic location to do so.  Parents often discourage many children to write entrance exams or apply for jobs abroad in order to ensure that their offspring reside closer home.

Whether to encourage adolescent children or not to leave home for higher studies or employment is debatable. Some people opine that it is not necessary for children go away from home as long as they can be assured a comfortable and secure life in the same city, state or country.  This presupposes the fact that opportunities for education and employment are on par elsewhere.   In the event that children after they turn 20 years or more decide to re-locate elsewhere then it alters the parent-child relationship and their contact with each other would be only once a year or once in two years.     

Do we painstakingly nurture children when they are young and, after they develop wings, send them away only to connect with them through videos and pictures or converse them on Skype? Would one rather protect them from the big bad world, to keep them close, doing things for them and not allow them to face hardships in life?

When children have their own family, it would definitely be a good idea to have grandparents nearby, if not in the same house. For aging parents, too, this is a mutually beneficial arrangement. It would be a boon too, for working parents who can leave their kids, under the care of nannies and supervised by grandparents.

On the other hand, what would it take for a parent to send the apple of one’s eye away, to greener pastures and a different life? Allow him/ her to struggle and find their way through in life? Encourage them to stay independently, take responsibilities, manage day-to-day affairs, struggle with mundane chores, tackle issues and in general, grow up faster and more mature? To send ones’ child away is a difficult decision for most parents. Especially for a mother, there is always an emotional aspect to letting go. It depends on the child also. Children have different needs and their mental maturity varies. Being on their own at an early age helps them stand on their feet and face the world better. It makes them street smart and socially adaptive and that enables them to adjust faster to their new environment.

Children have to be let free, to survey, learn, and yes, maybe get hurt too. Everyone needs space and that is not possible as children grow up. There is always the generation gap, a divergence in thoughts, the conflicts and control which stifles their thought process. Going away from home helps them to value family ties and rediscover themselves again. There, is, of course the chance that they may drift away, but that is fine too. They would explore and find out for themselves what the world is really like and come back, if they feel like it.

An empty nest is a reality which many parents do not want to face. But to cling and insulate children from harsh realities too is not healthy. It could lead to resentment among children and crush their dreams. It is pointless to stop ones’ offspring from moving out if their heart and minds are set on it. It is important for them to explore the world on their own and discover their passion yet provide backend support is probably, the best way.

In any case, things are  so much better now-a-days, with superior communication and increased income, which makes travel very convenient However, as parents age, the situation becomes more emotional and sometimes, traumatic. In many cases, where all the children are away, it is left for one partner to take care when the other falls sick. To nurse an ailing person, manage home and finances, deal with loneliness may prove to be too much to bear.

At this juncture, the children might want to take a hard look at what the options are. Either the children could relocate and find suitable jobs where their parents stay. Alternately the children could invite their parents to stay with them. However the reality is that older people might not be able to adjust to a completely new environment or the children may be unable to find suitable job opportunities back home.